2 posts tagged “sick”

I am upset. Way to be lame and write about it in my journal but I thought it would make me feel better. I had a shitty day yesterday. I didn't go to sleep until like 3:30 in the morning and then I woke up at 6:30 because I had to use the bathroom so knowing that my alarm was going to go off in less than half an hour, I simply got up. I had to function on three miserable hours of sleep. I stopped by Mary McGuire to see if Mrs. Carroll would mind if I used her for a reference on my resume and she wasn't there. Then I went to computer lab where I worked on my assessment assignment for ed psych and then my music file for two hours. I also had my portfolio assessment. I went to class. A class in which the professor didn't show up so after fifteen minutes I left and went back to the computer lab. I fixed up my resume. Went to physical science class in which we were all assure by the professor that no one has failed his class before and that only one person in the class was close to failing. It wasn't me. Then I went back to the computer lab and fixed up my part of the presentation. The presentation was a miserable failure. Chris and I worked our asses off on that presentation and we got an 87 because Leah and Keith didn't know what the hell was going on. I might go and talk to the professor. But after my horrible sleep deprived day, Brandon and I went to Lil Chef and then watched Grey's. Then we had to watch Happy Feet with Mallory. I did not want to watch the movie but as usual no one asked me. I didn't want to hang out with Mal either. Brandon doesn't understand that I don't like to hang out with people who make fun of me.

Today I went to the Teacher Fair. I got a lot of information. One guy from Prince George County he pretty much did everything but offer me a job. He was like what can I do to get you to come to Maryland to Prince George County? I was pretty excited about that. My home school district was there and the one guy was rude to me because they were only looking for special education teachers. The lady was nice though. I meet a lot of people and talked to a lot of schools. The last school I talked to was the Arizona school that has 6th grade centers that I was really excited about. There was a lady talking to me and to another girl. While she was talking, I got really dizzy. And then I couldn't hear very well...everything sounded really far away. I almost fell over and had to grab the lady's arm. They got me a chair and a bottle of water and were super nice to me. I was so embarrassed though. She asked me if I had eaten and if I needed something to drink and if I was going to be alright and I told her that I had epilepsy just in case I did have a seizure. I was afraid that I was going to have one. I didn't. After a few minutes I could hear everything and I wasn't so dizzy. I think I was just dehydrated. I had forgotten a bottle of water and I've been really really thirsty lately. I also hadn't eaten anything. I was so scared that I was going to have a seizure. I don't know what I would've done. There wasn't anyone I could've called. And there is no way Morgan would've left the teacher fair to take me home. She could barely give me the time of day to say hi when I ran into her. As soon as I felt well enough to get up and walk, I went home. I was so embarrassed. A million people probably saw me. I realize a million is a little far-fetched but at least a hundred people did. There was a few lines for  Michigan school districts nearby with a ton of people in line. I was mortified. What an awesome way to make an impression on a potential future employer. No one is going to hire me if I pass out or have a seizure before an interview. I went home and made a sandwich and took a nap. Brandon called and I told him the whole story. I told him he should make me dinner and he said he would but he was going to take a nap. He text messaged me a few hours later to tell me that I should come over and play cornhole and hang out with his roommates and Brian's friend Sarah and all her roommates. I called him and told him that I didn't really want to hang out with his roommates and Sarah and her roommates. Cory hates me so why would I want to hang out with him. Sarah is annoying and I really can't handle her constant enthusiasm and everything being sweet. At least not today.I don't know her roommates but I'm pretty sure they're fairly similar.  I really can't handle that right now. I have had a horrible day and I don't feel well at all. I just want to sit and watch a movie and eat soup or something. I don't want to hang out with a million people that either don't like me or that I find irritating. But apparently the fact that I had a horrible day and didn't feel well meant absolutely nothing to Brandon because he just kept telling me that I should really think about coming over. Then he said he was going to go back outside and that he was going to let me go. Let me go to sit here by myself in my apartment with roommates who hate me. Let me go to sit by myself and be miserable. It didn't really seem to bother him that I sat here crying on the telephone. I knew he was going to do it. I knew when I got that text message that he was just going to leave me to sit here by myself and cry. He didn't care that I was crying and upset and that I had a horrible day. He only cares about himself and the fact that he wants to sit around all day and play some stupid games. He said I could call later or that he would call and he hasn't. I'm not going to call him. I'm not ever going to count on him again. I can't handle this I'm going to be there for you one week and then I can't be there for you another week because I have better things to do. I'm not doing well. I'm really sick. I'm very depressed. I don't need someone who can't be there. I need someone who will just sit with me when I'm sad or upset. I just need someone to be there.

I puked last night. It was pretty much the grossest thing ever and I apparently feel the need to tell everyone. Well not everyone but I told several people. I think it's just because it surprised me. Usually when you puke, you feel pukey beforehand and I really didn't. So today was a little rough in terms of food intake. Every time I puke, all I can think of for a few days after is, god I hope I don't vomit this in an hour. I'm so weird.

I yelled at Dave today. I told him that I'm sick of being treated differently than everyone else that works there. I pretty much just meant that I don't like being treated differently than all the guys that work there but regardless, I yelled. I probably sounded foolish but I mostly don't care. I was frustrated.

Today, Evan told me that I get upset about weird things. That kind of upset me because lately I've felt like I'm just a big overly emotional freak...a cry baby if you will.

I was pretty bummed out about today. It was the first holiday that I haven't been able to spend with my family. I mean I realized that as I got older, it was eventually going to happen because I can't live near my parents forever. But this was the first holiday. We always color Easter eggs. We always get up Easter morning and find eggs and Easter baskets. We always have Easter dinner. This was the first time I haven't been able to do that with my family. And that really upset me. Yes I'm 24 years old and I still color Easter eggs with my 19 and 13 year old sisters but we have fun and that's all that matters to me. I'm still upset just thinking about it. I guess that's why I was cranky today. Evan and I were talking about spending time with  our families today. I talked to my mom for a little bit today. They still made me an Easter basket.  They teased my mom at work today because she said she still made Katie and I Easter baskets. I laughed. Brandon brought me food from his Easter dinner. It was pretty much the nicest thing ever. Seriously, I almost cried. I didn't get to eat Easter dinner with my family but at least I got to eat Easter dinner. I don't even care if he only brought it because his mom forced him to take food and he didn't want it. It was still the nicest thing ever. He's pretty much the BEST, best friend ever. And he probably thinks I'm crazy because I hugged him twice, once in my apartment and once when I ran out on the porch after him in socks and hugged him.