1 post tagged “seizure”

I don't mean to nag. I don't want to be needy or clingy. I don't like being moody. I'm just having a really hard time right now. Between my living situation, school and work, I feel like I can't ever win. Nothing I ever do is good enough in this apartment. I could clean the apartment with my toothbrush, from top to bottom, taking weeks and it still wouldn't be good enough. It's really hard to live here. Really hard. It's hard to come home and not feel comfortable cooking food in my own kitchen. I hate coming home and walking up the stairs to hear talking abruptly stop. I know they talk about me. I know they hate me. I know they tell other people horrible things about me. And I'm not the kind of person that can just say fuck them. It hurts my feelings. I can't pretend I don't know what's going on. School is ridiculous. I don't really care about my classes. I hate half of them. Work is ridiculous. My boss is a jerk. Half the guys I work with are jerks. I just hate how everything seems to fall apart at once. And even if everything doesn't fall apart, half of it does and then I worry about the rest of it falling apart and am miserable anyway. I was feeling pretty good over spring break because I didn't really have to deal with classes and roommates and everything but then they all came back. I had a seizure last friday and spent all day saturday throwing up and then I've felt out of it ever since. It's been slowly getting better but I still feel a little fuzzy around the edges. I worry a lot about people hating me and seizures don't make me feel any better about that. Epilepsy is weird. Who wants to hang out with the girl who has seizures? People already don't want to deal with me because I don't take the trash out every single day whether it's full or not so clearly seizures are worse. I feel like I just can't win right now, I honestly do. I had my audit yesterday. If I had only done a little bit better in that stupid class last semester. If I had gotten a C+ instead of a C, I would've been fine. So now I have to retake the class this summer. Way to screw things up once again. You'd think that after being in school for seven years now I'd be smart enough to pass a class...but no. Maybe I just need a break. I'm just really frustrated right now. I don't know...