I had my surgery on the 24th of August. I have now been out of the hospital for a week officially. The doctor told me I would be in the hospital for 2 or 3 days and I ended up there for a week. The surgery was more complicated than he counted on. The reason that I had been sick on and off for the three months after the first surgery was because I had a pocket of abscess grown around the ruptured appendix and it was eventually grown to the portion of my bowel that the appendix is attached to. My surgery was like hours longer than they thought it would be and they had to remove the part of my bowel that the appendix was attached to. The doctor figured that was the best way to safely remove the appendix and the abscess while doing the least amount of damage during the surgery. When I woke up and they told me that I was upset because the second I heard we removed part of your bowel, I thought I was going to have to live the rest of my life with one of those awful colostomy bags (which I'm sure I spelled wrong). Can you imagine? Going through what I've been through in the last four months and then ending up with these disgusting scars AND one of those things. But I had the best doctor ever and I was okay. I had to have a tube down my throat for five days and couldn't eat but after that I felt a lot better. I also found out why I was getting sick so much when I was in the hospital in Mt Pleasant. If they take that tube out too soon you will throw up because your body isn't ready to digest anything yet. I feel sorry for anyone who ends up in that awful hospital. I also had a seizure while I was in the hospital which was kind of sucky. Except the nurse didn't think I had a seizure...she thought I just randomly pulled my catheter (which again is spelled wrong I'm sure) out while it was still inflated and then didn't remember doing it...genius. She seriously laughed at me when I told her that I was pretty sure I had a seizure because I didn't remember that. How could you not remember that. Especially since they said I was sitting up which was still extremely painful to do screaming in pain because I had pulled it out still inflated. My parents had to call my neurologists office so he would come in because the nurses wouldn't. I had the seizure because of the stupid tube down my throat. They were turning it off for half an hour after I took the medication but the neurologist said that that was not long enough for the medicine to be absorbed. But I've been doing well since I've gotten home. Even being on new seizure medication. So that's great.
I was also surprised with who called and came to visit while I was in the hospital. And I was once again hurt by who didn't bother to come or call. My parents were there every day. Haily came a lot but not everyday because she didn't like the tube thing. Tisha came to visit twice. Victor came and I haven't seen him in forever. Alexis called a few times. Steve even called and he's called me like every couple of days too. However, my own sister couldn't be bothered to come and visit me. Apparently staying at her boyfriend's house was more important. My grandpa didn't visit. I think I had to call Korey. And I was, although I hate to admit it, a little upset that Brandon couldn't even bother to call or send a message or something to see if I was still alive. I know we haven't really even talked really which is not my issue because I told him several times it was up to him but he knew I was having surgery again and he certainly knew what I went through last time. I guess other things were more important. I can't stand Morgan and I sent her a facebook message to see how her student teaching was going. I don't know, it just kind of pisses me off because I was over it. It wasn't my fault and it wasn't anything I did, he was just plain awful to me but I was over it. And then it occurred to me that wow he couldn't even call to see if I was still alive. It's always hard to realize once again that you never meant anything to someone and that your friendship was obviously not important.
My mom got me a puppy. I was a little irritated because I have told her a million times that I didn't want a puppy. I wanted a dog that was a year or two old. And she got me this puppy I think the day I got out of the hospital. I still had staples in my stomach and was doped up on pain meds and she expected me to be able to take care of a puppy. A puppy that doesn't sleep through the night. Not even close to sleeping through the night. But it's been a week and he's already gotten much much better with sleeping through the night. He's stopped crying when he's put in the cage at bedtime and when he gets up in the night to go outside he doesn't cry himself back to sleep. He's even started sleeping later in the morning which is excellent. I gave him his first bath yesterday, in the kitchen sink because I can't bend over the bathtub yet and that was interesting. I was soaked and he was petrified of the water. I just hope he isn't petrified of the car when I try to take him to Mt Pleasant on Monday. That will be an even longer three hour car ride. And that's not counting pit stops for the puppy. I named him Paco because he is part Chihuahua so I figured he needed a mexican name...and there aren't any cool Dachshund names because he also part Dachshund.
He is adorable
They ask a lot of really weird questions when they call for hospital preadmission.
Is it weird that I keep thinking "what if this time I really die?" and then thinking "oh well, I guess that's what's meant to be"
That sounds mildly suicidal and I'm not. I'm not depressed either. I just can't see worrying about something that I have no control over. I'm having a hard time worrying about the stuff I have control over. I just can't seem to get over this I don't give a shit attitude I have right now, no matter how hard I try.
The hospital preadmission lady asked if I had any mental illnesses or conditions. When my mom asked what kind of questions they asked and I told her that one, she said you should have told them yes. She was totally serious. She said well after what you've been through in the last four months, you probably do have a mental illness or condition. I was like wow thanks mom.
I happen to think that I'm doing better than I was before I even got sick. But whatever I guess. It only matters what I think anyway.
I won't be doing my student teaching in the fall. I got the letter a few weeks ago but just picked it up from the post office on monday. I was a little upset but I guess it was to be expected. I didn't finish those two classes. It's for the best, honestly. I still have that diversity requirement of an urban school to fulfill and I would not have had time to cram in 30 hours while I was student teaching. And those have to be done before I can graduate. I also have to take three state tests before I can get my teaching certificate so I would have had to cram that in also and they recommend you get that out of the way before student teaching. I also feel like I need more time to prepare myself. At least I will after friday. I could handle sitting in a class after having surgery but I feel like an entire day in an elementary school classroom would be a little much right after surgery...much less five days in a row. I feel like I would be forever trying to catch up and I hate that feeling. I felt that way all last year and it drove me crazy. Even on breaks I felt like I was behind. I just want to be like this. The way I feel now. I don't want to go back to how I felt and how I was all last year. It literally almost killed me. And the one nice thing about having to put off my student teaching until spring is that I will be doing my student teaching with Alexis as she is also doing hers in the spring. It will be nice to have a friend to sit through those boring seminars with and to be able to talk to about student teaching. And seriously, it's taken me this long to get through school, what's another semester? I'm not worried about it.
I talked to Kristen last night and that was good. She said a few things that were really helpful. It's always nice to get an outsiders perspective about a situation. Someone that knew all the details but wasn't involved and could offer some insight into things that I might not have realized. I'm glad she ended up living with us. That was one good thing about last year.
My dad asked me something last night. He was like so I was going through my phone the other day and is there any chance of reconciliation with Brandon or can I delete his phone number? I started laughing and my mom was like well I'm sure if we ever needed it back we could just ask. Like this was actually a serious conversation. I finally stopped laughing enough to tell my dad that he was more than welcome to keep his number and call Brandon if he wanted to, maybe Brandon would talk to him. Then everyone else laughed but they were actually having a serious discussion before that. Wow.
I signed up for the oddest assortment of classes for fall semester. Introduction to outdoor environmental education.
I'm kind of excited about that one, I'm not going to lie.
I'm pretty sure the iron is on fire now because I only intended to sit down and check my email while it was heating up....oops
I used to be the girl that had to have everything figured out and spent endless amounts of time analyzing every situation. I had to know what was going to happen or what everything meant. But right now, I prefer being in the place I am at now. I like not knowing what's going on. I like having these interesting surprises every day. It's weird.
I wish that I wasn't leaving in a few days.
the new Frito guy is very cute and he's also very nice.
Sometimes I worry that I'll never be okay. There's always something wrong with me and I never seem to get better. The nurse practitioner that I talked to Monday asked me if I was running a fever and I told her I didn't know. Then today it occurred to me after I shut my air conditioner off because I was freezing and now I'm so hot I feel terrible that that pretty much means I have a fever. That on top of the fact that my stomach is swollen again and I'm not hungry ever is just spectacular. I just want this to be over with. It was an appendix. It ruptured. That should have been it. It's now over three months later and I still feel like crap. For an organ you don't really need, it sure does cause a lot of trouble. I'm just so cranky today.
I was cleaning this morning and unpacking my boxes of books. I have over 150 books for my classroom. After I counted them I found a bunch more. Plus, I think there's another box somewhere. Ridiculous.
Nothing ever works out the way you planned.
Nobody ever ends up being who you had hoped they would be.
Nowhere is ever what it seems at first glance.
Also, Muse is pretty awesome. I hated them on principle. They were that cool "indie" band that everyone liked. They're actually pretty good. Random thought of the day.
What if real life was like facebook and myspace? When you deleted people you'd never have to see them again. Changing a part of your life would be as simple as clicking edit. And people would only see the parts of you that you wanted them to see. Life would be so much more simple.
It's been an interesting couple of days. Evan stopped into work Friday...and proceeded to look at me like I had three heads when I walked into the backroom and he saw me for the first time. Then he completely ignored the people he had been talking to and talked to me for ten minutes. Then he came back the next day to talk to Gene and came back and helped me with what I was doing even though he wasn't working that day. I found this all very interesting. I told Marc that Evan looked at me like I had three heads and Marc was like yeah well I did too when you first came back. You look totally different. I didn't think I looked that much different. Especially now that it's been so long since I've been out of the hospital. I have some color now!!
There's some stuff going on with my sister at home. I'm kind of worried about her because I know my mom can be pretty awful sometimes. I called her the other day and she seemed to be doing okay. She was staying with a friend and she hasn't been home since Friday night.
I woke up yesterday with horrible stomach pains. The kind that felt better when I was curled up in a little ball in bed. The kind that were very similar to the ones that kept me in bed for two days before I finally agreed to go to the hospital to find out my appendix had ruptured a week before. My stomach has bothered me on and off the past two days. I was feeling kind of crappy tonight and then I ate something and went to the park with Alexis. I don't know if it was the dinner or the hour and a half walk but I felt a lot better tonight. This afternoon was rough. I'm not going to lie. I cried for the first time in like a month. I talked to my sign language professor after class today to see if there was any possible way I could take the final on a different day because I had a doctors appointment that day. I could've gone to the history final and then left and made it. But she is having surgery so she has a bunch of appointments and stuff and there wasn't any way to work it out. I just figured it was worth a try. The stomach ache made me nervous and I didn't want to put off the appointment if I didn't have to. Which is funny because any other time I would've cancelled it and then forgot to reschedule. Almost dying changes your perspective on doctor's appointments which is especially funny because I don't want to go to Dr Valjee's and find out that I have to have the surgery like immediately. Or find out something else...like there's another terrible complication. But after I left Darcy's class, I was driving back to my apartment and thinking about it. Maybe it was the fact that I said it out loud when I was talking to her and that made it more real or something...I don't know. But I cried because I was scared. Not only about the whole getting sick thing. My family is going up north next week. What if something happens between now and then? Will I be able to get ahold of them? Will someone else? What do I do if it happens here in Mt Pleasant? I don't want to go to the hospital here. Then I started freaking out because I realized Brandon obviously isn't around to take me to the hospital if I couldn't drive myself and wouldn't be there to visit me like he did before. I calmed myself down though by thinking about the people that are around that I could count on if the need arose. And reminding myself that my stomach ache could have been a number of things. It could've been something I ate. It could've been stress, I did have that stupid sign language project yesterday that I had to do in front of the whole class. I don't know. But when I got home, I was so mad at myself for getting upset about it because that never solves anything. If it happens, it happens and there's nothing I can do about it.
I talked to Kevin. He told me about his guy problems and we talked for awhile. We eventually ended up just joking around about random stuff. It was good to talk to him. I haven't heard from him in awhile because I didn't realize he had a new screen name. It's too bad it got so late because there was a lot I wanted to talk to him about. We had fun though.
I'm thinking of getting a new aim screen name...
Rutherford County, NC
- home of Bubba's Fun Park
Halifax County, NC
- pretty website
Mecklenburg County
- city of Charlotte
Wake County
- city of Raleigh
- WCPS has year-round, modified calendar and traditional calendar schools
- seven new schools opening in 2007-2008 school year
- Zebulon Middle School = coolest named school ever
- relocation program with apartments offering discounted rent rates and waived security deposits for new teachers
- discount on moving services from anywhere in the country
- free cable installation
- cell phone discounts
I had a dream about getting married the other night. Random.
I think the guy in my history class was trying to get up the nerve to talk to me. He's being really weird. We were in a different classroom today and when he walked in he stopped by the row I was sitting at and then after a few seconds decided to sit in the row in front of me. Then he kept turning around and looking at me.
I almost punched my new boss today. He makes me miss Dave. At least Dave talked to me. John has walked away from me after I asked him a question like I didn' t even exist. Today he had the nerve to tell me that I was on his bad list because I forgot to clean the mop sink saturday. The mop sink smells like something died in the pipes and has just been left to decay. That coupled with the essence of vom, makes for a very unpleasant experience if you're asked to fill a mop bucket to clean up a spill. And this asshole wanted me to clean up the whole sink and corner that all the mops are stored in. ME. The girl who's stomach is still swollen from a surgery from almost three months ago that still has a hard time smelling certain foods because they make her want to throw up. He fucking hates me! And he had the nerve to tell me I was on the bad list after yesterday when it took three of them all night to set up two endcaps, leaving me to pick my own carts and throw them all, on a Sunday night but my god I forgot to clean the mop sink. Fuck off.
Marc pretty much made my night at work today. I was stocking an endcap trying to keep busy for the last fifteen minutes of my shift and he came over to help because he was equally bored. I laughed so hard though because he insisted that a guy was checking out his ass.
The new guy from pets came in tonight when he didn't have to work. Hmm...
He was talking to someone while I was stocking in aisle 16 and his friend kept glancing over at me.
I'm quite sure I don't mind because he's cute. I just wish he wore a name tag.
I realized something today. I haven't cried in awhile. A long while actually. I'm really happy. There are a lot of things that I wish were different, good things and bad things but I know that I can't change them. There's a lot of stuff going on in my life right not, things that are stressful but I'm happy. I'm laughing and joking around with people at work. I like going to work and helping customers. I had a lady follow Gene yesterday and tell him all about how I went out of my way to help her with something that wasn't even my job and how great I was. Mind you work isn't awesome. The new manager is an asshole but everyone else has been awesome. I feel like everyone is so much nicer to me now but I honestly think that I had just decided that everyone at work hated me before and it was mostly my own fault that I was miserable. I honestly believe that. I was just paranoid and depressed and I felt like everyone hated me. I think in a lot of situations, I was my own worst enemy. But I'm happy. I like going in to work. I love my summer classes. I remember now why I decided to minor in history. I love finding out cool new facts, like the fact that Benito Mussolini was going to be an elementary school teacher before he became the fascist dictator of Italy. Call me a big geek. I love learning sign language. It's pretty much the coolest thing ever. And I'm okay with not being the best at it in the class. I'm hanging out with people which is also different for me. Marc and I hung out after work the other night and saw a movie. I've been hanging out with the guys from work a lot. Alexis and I frequent the trails at Millpond Park and talk which is great. Millpond Park is pretty much my favorite place in Mt Pleasant. It's just nice to know that I can function without my family around to make sure I'm okay. It's just good to know that I'm okay on my own and that I can be happy. I was worried about coming back to Mt. Pleasant and work and things after being sick and gone for so long. I had seriously considered cancelling my lease and just staying in port huron instead of moving in to Timbercreek but I'm definitely glad I didn't.
I just wish my stupid right side would stop being swollen and that it wouldn't hurt when I even remotely come close to touching my stupid scar. I'm not Harry Potter, my scar shouldn't hurt! However, it does...especially when I bumped it with a case of jam tonight...I thought I was going to puke...
In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?
I am exhausted.
I am fed up.
I'm done.
It's just one thing after another.
Here have seven classes.
Here be sick all the fucking time.
Here have bitchy roommates.
Here how about you can't student teach.
Here be so sick you can't even eat.
Here have a boss that treats you like shit and threatens to fire you for being sick.
Here have ridiculous classes.
Here how about you can't student teach.
Oh wait you can if you take a summer class.
Here have a ruptured appendix.
Here almost die.
Here have more bills then you can possibly pay.
Oh yeah, and by the way one of your best friends is going to decide he no longer has any use for you because while you were in the hospital for three weeks he decided to make new friends that are apparently way cooler than you are because they drink every night and you can't drink at all. Then he's going to pretend it's okay that he ditched you when you were upset because you had a bad day. And he's not even going to say anything about the time when you nearly have a seizure and he left you alone in your apartment because oh my god his girlfriend called and is out of work. He can't even sit there for five minutes to make sure you aren't going to have a seizure and die.
DONE
